I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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