I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
