You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
