i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
