you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
