Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
