That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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