Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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