I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
