farters have to be the big spoon...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
