You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
