all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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