Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
