He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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