Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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