When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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