I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
