Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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