the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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