It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
