I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
