I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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