this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
