hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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