I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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