are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
