I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
