i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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