This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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