I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
