I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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