Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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