Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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