I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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