you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
