glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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