addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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