I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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