We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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