I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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