why didn't you poke me back
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
