Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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