dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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