you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just found puke in my bra..
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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