my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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