She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
