I just threw up on my dentist
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize