Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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