i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
