Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
