You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
