I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
