I love black thongs
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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