Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
