who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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