Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
