I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
