a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
