rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
