he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
These tits shall not be calmed
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
