How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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