you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Randomize
