i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You were trust falling into bushes
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
