Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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