I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Never let your siblings swipe right.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize