Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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