Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
