You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
