i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
