I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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