Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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