He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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