He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
