i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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