No subtext here. People are naked.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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