i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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