Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
