Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
