I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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