I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
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