I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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