remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
