Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
