the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
