Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
