Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Dear god my vagina.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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