the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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