I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
