i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
