I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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