under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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