you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
