Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize