I wannas sexs uuuuu
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
