sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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