The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
