who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
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