They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
