I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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