my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
