I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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