Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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